my foot hurts. i've received several "top priority" projects at work ... at the same time. i'm tired and my eyes are itchy, which usually means a cold is coming soon. i owe college foundation eleventy billion dollars. there's a smell in my car i can't figure out the origin of. my free trial anti-virus software is about to expire. i can't find my rainbows. i miss my friend. i missed lunch. i misspoke. i lost my willy wonka sunglasses, and i'm not even close to where i should be in my fundraising for uganda.
woe is me, right?
sometimes random songs pop in my head. okay, most of the time random songs pop in my head. the other day i was brushing my teeth and i starting singing air supply. you know the one ... but i don't know how to leave you and i'll never let you fall and i don't know how you do it making love out of nothing at all. and while i'm sure the soft rock dou's lyrical intention and my interpretation differ, that chorus really struck me about my recent attitude.
i tend to think in terms of events. i don't think so much in months, but in what events are coming up ... this birthday, that concert, this holiday, yada, yada. my summer was perfect for that: west virgina, then july 4th, then washington, then uganda mailing, then 30th birthday. i never realized having something to plan for/look forward to was so important to me. pretty much until ... there was nothing happening! it's funny how i thrive and feel close to God in times of joy and even in times of heartache, but when life is at a stalemate, that's when i can be in the biggest funk and feel so far from joy/life/whathaveyou. i long for some "highs" and even reach for those "lows" (see above). sometimes the silence is too much.
the biggest wad on my plate right now is my upcoming rafiki mission. the thing is, i'm not actually doing anything. (which is quite unnerving for me.) i wait. i wait for donations to come in ... i wait for rafiki staff to respond to my emails ... i wait on God to show me my next move. these days i'm not waiting very patiently. one of my many swan songs is waiting for my real life to begin by colin hay and it talks about "any minute now my ship is coming in" and i would think ... "that's right, one day my ship will come in and things won't be perfect, but it'll be darn close. amen. i'm waiting for my real life ... waiting. juuuust waiting. i'll go to uganda and really find out who i am and where i want to be and get the retreat i need and come back refreshed with purpose having served others. ok. i'll just wait for it."
that's great colin hay, but what am i supposed to do in the meantime, mate? (that's how i would say it. he's australian.) put things on hold until then? miss opportunities and blessings happening now because i'm so focused on waiting? NO. that's dumb. and thanks to air supply and a swift kick in the conscience i'm going to try to seize each day ... good and bad. to realize that this time, this humdrum noneventful season in my life, is just as important as any other. to stop "waiting on my real life to begin" and to understand that i'm in the thick of it now, mucky or not ... even if i have to start over and over and over again. to make some kinda love out of nothing at all.
"give us this day our DAILY bread"
woe is me, right?
sometimes random songs pop in my head. okay, most of the time random songs pop in my head. the other day i was brushing my teeth and i starting singing air supply. you know the one ... but i don't know how to leave you and i'll never let you fall and i don't know how you do it making love out of nothing at all. and while i'm sure the soft rock dou's lyrical intention and my interpretation differ, that chorus really struck me about my recent attitude.
i tend to think in terms of events. i don't think so much in months, but in what events are coming up ... this birthday, that concert, this holiday, yada, yada. my summer was perfect for that: west virgina, then july 4th, then washington, then uganda mailing, then 30th birthday. i never realized having something to plan for/look forward to was so important to me. pretty much until ... there was nothing happening! it's funny how i thrive and feel close to God in times of joy and even in times of heartache, but when life is at a stalemate, that's when i can be in the biggest funk and feel so far from joy/life/whathaveyou. i long for some "highs" and even reach for those "lows" (see above). sometimes the silence is too much.
the biggest wad on my plate right now is my upcoming rafiki mission. the thing is, i'm not actually doing anything. (which is quite unnerving for me.) i wait. i wait for donations to come in ... i wait for rafiki staff to respond to my emails ... i wait on God to show me my next move. these days i'm not waiting very patiently. one of my many swan songs is waiting for my real life to begin by colin hay and it talks about "any minute now my ship is coming in" and i would think ... "that's right, one day my ship will come in and things won't be perfect, but it'll be darn close. amen. i'm waiting for my real life ... waiting. juuuust waiting. i'll go to uganda and really find out who i am and where i want to be and get the retreat i need and come back refreshed with purpose having served others. ok. i'll just wait for it."
that's great colin hay, but what am i supposed to do in the meantime, mate? (that's how i would say it. he's australian.) put things on hold until then? miss opportunities and blessings happening now because i'm so focused on waiting? NO. that's dumb. and thanks to air supply and a swift kick in the conscience i'm going to try to seize each day ... good and bad. to realize that this time, this humdrum noneventful season in my life, is just as important as any other. to stop "waiting on my real life to begin" and to understand that i'm in the thick of it now, mucky or not ... even if i have to start over and over and over again. to make some kinda love out of nothing at all.
"give us this day our DAILY bread"
