this is going to sting a little.

that's what she said. that's was the nurse said each time before she stuck me with needles this morning.

"this is going to sting a little. big stick." ... jab.
"this is going to sting a little. big stick." ... jab.
"this is going to sting a little. big stick." ... jab.
"this is going to sting a little. big stick." ... jab.

she was right. it stung a little. not the shots themselves, but the dose of reality that came along with them. the reality that i'm traveling thousands of miles by myself to a place where i know no one; to a place stricken with disease (of which i better be highly guarded from), war, poverty and hopelessness. that i have no real idea what i will be doing other than "working at a school." that the transition at my job will not be a smooth one. that i have so much to do and so little time to do it. that i still haven't reached my fundraising goal and that it breaks my heart that i honestly do not have faith that God will provide. that my family will have to make financial sacrifices because i didn't plan properly. that i'm second guessing this whole thing as another one of my quick decisions and that this is beyond God's control. that when the doctor asked me why i was going to uganda, my initial thought was, "i ... don't ... know."

as the day progressed, things --including my arms-- became heavy and numb. heavy and numb. (especially after my stop at the cashier's desk on the way out. if only she had given me the same warning ... "this is going to sting a little" ... jab.) so heavy that i want to lay this burden down and forget about it. forget the whole thing. so that's what i'm doing right now this very minute. laying this burden down. i can't carry it. doctor trotta assured me that my arms would be sore soon after the immunizations. his instructions? keep moving.

when they're painful ... keep moving.
when they feel heavy ... keep moving.
when they're tired ... keep moving.
when you're frustrated with them ... keep moving.

forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, i press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. - philippians 3:13-14